More like “Lemon Life”

…because life is sour. And what’s worse is that is completely my fault that it’s the way it is. I’m such a coward it angers me a little. I told everyone under the sun I was telling Aaron everything Thursday. We were going to go to the haunted house place an hour away by ourselves. Perfect place to spill right? Well not only did we not go, we did absolutely nothing.

I think we might have had like a total of 20 minutes alone the entire night because of this girl that seems to live there…? Whatever, not that I would have told him had I had more time, because 20 minutes was plenty. I’m just spineless. I’m so worried that I’m wrong about what I think he’s feeling. Everytime there’s a perfect moment though, it seems like I have an audience. Funny how life works out like that right?

We talked about everything under the sun for a while though that night (Thursday, and apparently I use “Under the sun” all the time now). He tried to blame me for the haunted prison, and that he really would have gone with just me. Bitch. I would have LOVED that drive. I don’t know why, but we talk SO much when we’re driving. Mainly because music doesn’t fill our brains, so we need to keep the motors running. If we’re at my place or his we can sit and vedge for like 8 hours and say not a single word. It’s weird.

Anyways, I’m through telling people I’m going to tell him. Because I feel like that gives me a deadline. Although I really should set one, because this is getting ridiculous, I don’t plan on making a day for it. I’m not going to give people false hopes about my intentions any more though. And because of this, I won’t tell people a lot of the stupid little details either. It’s getting old, I know it is. Lord knows Jordan, Danny, and Brooke have heard everything we’ve said to each other for the past 4 weeks. I’m done.

On the up and up, tonight was managable. We hung out from like 2pm-1am. Played video games and youtubed at my place til like 9 then went over to his place for a party. Everything was going pretty well actually, and then TADA Chase walks through the door. Awesome. I figured my night was going to be ruined, but it was anything but. Aaron may not like me, but he doesn’t like Chase. Aaron wanted to make it very clear to me that they didn’t have sex, and when Chase grabbed his ass Aaron was like “stooop”. Not so much an order, but like “hey, I dont want that happening”.

Chase went home sulky. I really do feel bad for the kid. I mean, I hate that he likes Aaron and makes moves on him, but he’s a really really nice guy. If I didn’t like Aaron, I would be working every angle for that kid because he’s a keeper. Just not as much as I am 🙂

Whatever, then we went to the bar but I couldn’t get in. So I was Drake’s ride so she went home too. After crying in my car about how much she was pissed at Aaron for some trivial thing. I hate that she gets in the way, but I do care for her. We talked about Chase for a while, and tried to get info out of her. She knows he likes Aaron, obviously, but didn’t really give anything on if Aaron likes him. Bleh.

I just want a perfect drunk moment alone with him. I hope it comes soon. I honestly need alcohol to make the situation more bareable. Because everytime I tried to tell him Thursday night, which did almost come up like 4 times, I felt like I was going to vomit. Isn’t that terrible? haha I’m pathetic

Well he’ll be gaming tomorrow and drinking all night everywhere and with everyone, except me. I’ll be doing nothing until work, and then after work come home and watch Lost. I hope to finish the book Wicked tonight. Maybe by some miricle he’ll come into Unos to see me or call me to invite me out. If he does, I’ll be very eager to look for an oppritune moment to talk to him. I thought about every script I could use, but the best one I have now just came to me….

We’ll both be really drunk or something on campus, or somewhere and we’ll be close. I’ll lean over and rub his head or something stupid and we’ll be laughing at some joke so the contact won’t be weird. But I won’t move my hand when the moment passes, and I’ll simply say “I think I like you”

It’s simple, and doesn’t need a long pre-story or explination of how I feel. It’s cute, short, and won’t be too hard to maneuver. I just need again, alcohol and a moment alone with him.

I feel like a stalker by having this stupid blog, but I will have to deal with this since I”m not going to be talking to my friends about him much anymore. So Live Journal, you’ve made a new friend. Until we start dating or until I’m over him. In which case you’ll be back on the dusty shortcut tab for another 7 months. Love you!

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~ by kioseth on October 18, 2008.

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